Wind catches
the yellow sail
of the tulip
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Author's Comments
A haiku from late May, but at least over here we still have yellow tulips. Hopefully this one will get some exposure in the Asahi Haikuist, like my white haiku did.
Daily DeviationGiven 2008-08-31For me, a haiku must be simple, yet visual and evocative. Yellow haiku by *diamondie is all this and more. (Featured by `lovetodeviate) Comments
 i completly understand now-
thanks for explaining, I was abit confused ^^ This is simply beautiful!
I read the comments before, but I can't really see the 3-5-3 rule you used. Call me an idiot, but I'm not an english speaking person anyways, so I can't really see this.. has the word "wind" two syllables? many greetings! Hmm? I haven't said anything about using a 3-5-3 rule in this piece. Generally when I write haiku the only rule about syllables I pay attention is the piece being under 5-7-5 or less (usually less, because 5-7-5 has started to feel far too verbose to me!), but I once wrote a haiku conferring to an arbitrary 3-5-3 rule, because it was for a contest.
But glad you liked it nonetheless. :-> -- What do death, Chinese checkers and  collections have to do with each other? Find out!My CFS/ME/FM treatment book  Beautiful.
 It's interesting how so few words can turn into so many pictures inside my head.-- oh hai.  { gallery. | portfolio. }  Wow - I used to hope I'd get a DD one day and now I really don't. People are so dumb. Anyway - I've already faved this but I had a suggestion. The repetition of "the" I feel is a little clumsy and unnecessary. I feel that repeating a word like "the" in the poem makes the "the" dominate the poem too much. It could easily be remedied by replacing the second one with an "a" like so;
wind catches the yellow sail of a tulip I would also remove the capital so as not to give any one word prominence in the piece. Lovely poem!!!!!!!! I hope you don't mind me replying to some of the idiots who have left comments. I mean - for crying out loud, anyone would think they were haiku experts or something. I love this work!  -- "We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton) You have a good point there about the article, I just feel like it emphasizes the singular nature of the tulip too much. For me "the" makes it one tulip in focus among a bunch of tulips (they rarely grow alone, after all), while "a" creates an image of a single tulip. But I'm not a native speaker, so someone else might see it in a different way, even the opposite.
Thanks a lot, and I don't mind at all. I'm just afraid you're wasting your time trying to educate people. -- What do death, Chinese checkers and collections have to do with each other? Find out!My CFS/ME/FM treatment book Right - I can see what you mean but I am not sure that it necessarily gives that impression. In fact, for me it is the other way around. When I think of "the tulip" I tend to think of a tulip on its own with no others around - ie. it is "the" tulip. But when I hear "a tulip" in this poem I feel more like it is one of many. And for me I guess the repetition of the word "the" is overbearing in the poem, taking focus away from the image.
All the best- Dick from Solar -- "We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton) You have a good point there about the article, I just feel like it emphasizes the singular nature of the tulip too much. For me "the" makes it one tulip in focus among a bunch of tulips (they rarely grow alone, after all), while "a" creates an image of a single tulip. But I'm not a native speaker, so someone else might see it in a different way, even the opposite.
Thanks a lot, and I don't mind at all. I'm just afraid you're wasting your time trying to educate people. -- What do death, Chinese checkers and collections have to do with each other? Find out!My CFS/ME/FM treatment book You have a good point there about the article, I just feel like it emphasizes the singular nature of the tulip too much. For me "the" makes it one tulip in focus among a bunch of tulips (they rarely grow alone, after all), while "a" creates an image of a single tulip. But I'm not a native speaker, so someone else might see it in a different way, even the opposite.
Thanks a lot, and I don't mind at all. I'm just afraid you're wasting your time trying to educate people. -- What do death, Chinese checkers and collections have to do with each other? Find out!My CFS/ME/FM treatment book You have a good point there about the article, I just feel like it emphasizes the singular nature of the tulip too much. For me "the" makes it one tulip in focus among a bunch of tulips (they rarely grow alone, after all), while "a" creates an image of a single tulip. But I'm not a native speaker, so someone else might see it in a different way, even the opposite.
Thanks a lot, and I don't mind at all. I'm just afraid you're wasting your time trying to educate people. -- What do death, Chinese checkers and collections have to do with each other? Find out!My CFS/ME/FM treatment book |
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