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Literature Text
Those expelled of human
pick up love from their kind
as a sparkling burst of electricity
buried in the warmth of bosom
open wounds sprinkled with
salt and sugarcubes
homo sapiens sapiens
a florid bud blooming with lies
the blade of my milk-scented knife
an interdimensional impossibility, you
pick up love from their kind
as a sparkling burst of electricity
buried in the warmth of bosom
open wounds sprinkled with
salt and sugarcubes
homo sapiens sapiens
a florid bud blooming with lies
the blade of my milk-scented knife
an interdimensional impossibility, you
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This poem was originally written in Finnish. Took me several hours to translate it, the second stanza turned into English nicely, but the first one was problematic and I'm not still fully satisfied with it. I accidentally skipped one line in the second stanza, but when I noticed that, it no longer fit in and I'm proud of the ending as it is.
The Finnish version of this poem (along with six other poems of mine) will be published in an anthology which is out any day now.
The Finnish version of this poem (along with six other poems of mine) will be published in an anthology which is out any day now.
© 2003 - 2024 diamondie
Comments14
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i feel that this poem is significantly lacking in certain elements, i find the imagery grandiloquent and of little use to furthering the mood of the poem. Im not sure what kind of immpresion you were trying to make using a juxtaposition of phrases such as "the milk-scented knife" and "sugar cubes" because to me it seems jarring and unsatisfactory. i think you should consider being less ambiguous with your word choice.
dont think that im trying to put you down, its just a bit of constructive criticism
dont think that im trying to put you down, its just a bit of constructive criticism